When I was 20, I lost the ability to write.
I sat down to write my Uni essays and no words came out. My thoughts were jumbled, as though they were in another language. I’d sit in front of a blank computer screen and have debilitating panic attacks. Since I was five I’d been a writer. That’s how I expressed myself and it was a major pillar of my identity. Out of nowhere, I just couldn’t do it.
Well, it wasn’t completely out of nowhere. I’d struggled with bouts of anxiety and depression since childhood. I remember saying to my sister when I was in Year 4, “It feels like for the last six months I’ve been stuck in a bad dream. I can’t feel anything and all the days just run into each other. Do you ever get that?” It turned out she did.
But at 20, it hit me like never before. Some days I didn’t get out of bed. Other days I would, but only to lie under my bed in a state of terror. I hated myself, I hated the world and everything was grey. I felt like an absolute fraud, entirely undeserving of a place at Uni.
After sitting in front of a computer for eight or so hours, desperately trying to get a word out, I’d attempt to email the lecturer to tell them the work would be late. But I couldn’t even type out an email. Words and letters came out in the wrong order, and nothing I wrote seemed to make any sense.
Sydney University provided an excellent counselling service, at the cost of $10 a session, to which I owe the completion of my degree.
Graduating from Sydney Uni. Image supplied.
Top Comments
And yet, people still voted for Turnbull knowing full well the cuts were going to severely limit services to the needy. I guess this is what people mean when they say they want stability, their stability, no one else's. Good luck to all those who are struggling.
Between this and the efforts of the Rudd & Gillard governments to try and make stealthy cuts to mental health funding, I'm losing confidence in either of the two major parties treating mental health as the priority it should be :(