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I’d consider my sex life still pretty exciting for someone who’s been with the same person for over 10 years. But there’s one thing I just can’t bring myself to do: pleasure myself.
Once a taboo subject, talk around masturbation – particularly for females – has exploded. Every magazine seems to be packed full of tips and tricks, it’s no longer as shocking to see a woman pleasuring herself in pop culture, and any sex toy you could possibly desire is just one click and a discrete delivery away.
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While I think it’s great that it’s in the open and I get that it’s meant to be liberating, it only serves to make me feel even more anxious that I can’t do it myself.
While it’s something I’ve never really done, recently I’ve found myself worrying about it more and more.
It’s not a religious thing. Growing up my family was always very open about sex and I’ve always felt like I can discuss about most things with my group of girlfriends. My husband, who I married when I was 23, and I are also open about telling each other what we like.
I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but it makes me think there’s something wrong with me.
A few months ago when my husband went away for a few weeks for business, we tried phone sex. It was going well – until he told me to touch myself.
I wanted to - and I tried, but less than a minute in, I couldn’t keep going. Something inside of me switched off, and any desire or enjoyment went completely out the window. I made up an excuse and he was understanding, but I felt disappointed in myself.
